I dont know what the fuck happen , but hell i was speechless again . Was talking to my cousin and asking him some stuffs and this lead to unwanted misunderstandings . I was actually keeping quiet and thinking about what he said , scrolling up the conversation and think about everything . And i think i made him fuming mad.. He ended with a few exclaimation marks and a really not nice word , shocked to see that , i cried . I mean okay , this is the first time i got those from him . So i got really shocked , didn't know what to reply and so i decided to just stop replying him and i'm afraid replying might make him mad-er . I knew he meant good all the time . But this time , i dont know what happen .. After this , i think i've got no other close ones to talk to already . FUCK ! Maybe all along asking him those questions was retarded , childish and stupid . Maybe all along those questions i asked disturbed him . Maybe.... I dont know . But all the time he helped me and talked sense to me . But what now ? See... Catastrophe comes one after another , nothing good comes to me . This kinda life sucks big time . Why the fuck is thing happening now , why the fuck is everything so fucked up ? What kind of stupid life is this ? Crying everynight like as if someone died , having this fucking broken heart all the time , hunger stirke , get drunk and die.. Is this the life i wanted ? Hell fuck no... I just dont understand the state i am in now . Fucking retarded ! I hate it.... Fuck everything man!!

xoxo`